Cute
I was absolutely terrified about what was going to happen. Sitting on the train, every noise I heard sounded like the cry of a new-born–and every face looked as though it had just seen a really gory delivery. The baby kind, I’m talking. The kind where one second there’s a woman with an enormous bump, and the next there’s a living breathing thing which looks like an alien–
OK, so only some babies look like aliens. The point was I was nervous because I had never seen a new-born baby before that was not two-dimensional. And the one I was going to see was not only three-dimensional, but only hours old–
I arrived at the hospital and got my act together. It’s a baby! I reasoned, It’s not a monster or an alien! Don’t fear it, embrace this wondrous new miracle!
After a worrying twenty minute wild-baby-chase through the depths of the hospital, I finally stumbled upon a sister to help me. She pointed me in the right direction – the direction of screaming, fear and great uneasiness – and ten minutes later I was walking in to the room to see my friends.
Mat came to the door, “You made it then?” he said, “I thought you’d got scared and run off.”
“Me?” I said, laughing. “No way, I’m man enough.”
I entered and saw them: the mother, a good friend of mine, and the brand new life. It was sweet, tiny, and altogether much less repulsive than the nightmare I had had the night before had promised it would be all dressed up in baby boys clothing.
“So you’re him, then,” I said to him.
He looked up at me. Well don’t look at me like that! he seemed to say. You were like me once!
Then a magical thing happened. The mother, my friend, she passed me the little fella. I took him in my arms and he did a great big wee down my front.
How cute!
Comments are closed!